--> by billie rain

i was born reinstein
"pure stone"
third son of hybrid heritage.
       what would it mean
       to understand the origins of
       your sepia olive tones?

i was born mizrachi
"eastern one"
the name doesn't exactly
roll off american tongues.

the screen displays indigenous palestenian child.
terrorized eyes armed with nothing to lose.
       these are not my people.
       are these my people?

arab jew-
an oxymoronic identity.

israeli equipped with fascist blessings
shoots ashkenazi rifle
into the crowd-
       my semitic heart beats
       staccato stress and shame.

some can't stay
in one place for too long.
i guess it was tempting to believe the lies-
a land without people for
a people without land.

american arteries harden against suffering,
& european feet stay firmly planted
facing west.
       how do i claim this legacy?

hitler hated "mischlingër", mixed-bloods,
more than anything
       bertha, clara, fanny, martha
       "killed by nazis"
his stains scrawled across
my family tree.

when i was a child in virginia
my mom laughed
at my honey-stained skin
said my father resented her WASP-ishness.
nightly, men in white robes came for me
told me "bad jewish girls
go in the shower
and they don't come out."
each white tooth in loathsome
smiles spelled out tombstones for
bertha, clara, fanny, martha.

i was born reinstein
"pure stone"
       but i am not.
my heart is craggy tender raw
rivers of blood rage and grief
which move and make way for joy,
and i am anything but pure.
so i changed my name,
cause the tears i shed yesterday
have become healing rain.

billie rain is a mixed-race sephardic (arab) jew. coming from a background of multigenerational incest and ritual abuse, si searches personal and social histories for keys to understanding. with help from hir ancestors, si is ending the cycle of abuse and healing both the past and the future. billie can be contacted through the Planting Seeds Community Awareness Project: www.pscap.org.